Not Drowning, Waving

If you suspect you have some sort of deep psychological issue, but you know about it, doesn't that mean you should be able to control it?
Or can you only go so far as to step outside of yourself, understand why you are doing what you are doing, yet still lack the ability to change your actions?
My deepest fear is abandonment. I don't have nightmares about it or anything, but I understand how it has held me back over the years. I see how the fear of being suddenly alone has stopped me from taking risks, or trying to change situations. I still don't deal with it well, alternating between calm acceptance and the thrashing of a drowning man.
B. left, and for a while I was drowning. Luckily, enough of my friends were around to keep me from worrying that I would go under for good. It wasn't until I started to understand why I was tossed overboard that I could begin to calm down, and start swimming to shore.
Sometimes I feel like we spend half of our lives figuring out why we are screwed up, and the other half trying to fix it. And maybe that's okay, so long as we take a break once in a while to just soak in the world. To revel in an orange pink sunset after a hazy humid day, or to enjoy the taste of vanilla flavored vodka and orange juice. Every problem may not have a solution, but there are always answers.