kismet

Coincidence, fate, luck, destiny.
What are these things anyway?
Just concepts to explain what we cannot explain.
Not interchangeable, no, but cut from the same cloth.
The same cloth that gets cut into strips, used to blind us from truth, used as a gag against speaking out in protest of our situation.
What about free will? What about passion, and reason, and logic?
How often have I explained my actions, my motivations, with the phrase "That's just what I do." Is there such a thing as a mythology of the self, and do we eventually entrap ourselves in our own myths?
Is it odd that I find myself actively seeking people who both reinforce some of my traits while acting as an outlet to break away from other aspects of "typical me"? Is it odd or is it healthy?
That's what you're supposed to do, isn't it? Step outside of your comfort zone, as often as you can without feeling unstable. Maybe my problem is that I feel like doing that is supposed to be rewarding in some way. But intrinsically, it's not, it is just another chunk of experience with no positive or negative value by itself.
I know I'm being vague. MG would chide me, "details, give me juicy details." Later. I think for now I'm just trying to settle a question in my mind, the question of risk versus reward, and whether I am so dependent on positive feedback that I avoid risk for fear of their being no reward in it. That's a deeply ingrained trait; do I have the discipline to exist without depending on the approval of others?