First Lines for your novel

* Having trouble starting your novel? As a public service, I offer you these First Lines:

Ten minutes into the execution, we knew something was amiss.

I had little experience with venereal disease until I met her.

The carp were biting on anything, which was convenient for me as I had a boat full of my friend's body to dispose of and no fishing license.

Cry "Havoc!" and unleash the herd of cats!

It was the summer of '83, hot and sticky, just like every summer in many ways except for the ways in which it was not.

Standing in line at the airport, I begin to mentally unpack the luggage of my neighbours in the queue.

I did an inventory of my senses; the scent of apple pie and cigarettes, the starlet in the magazine I was reading while sitting at the kitchen table, the "click" behind me, a sharp pain near my left shoulder blade, the bitter taste of orange.

I am a lone tree in her forest of lovers.

I sat in church that morning wondering if God knew that the guy in front of me had fallen asleep, oblivious to the highly unorthodox mafia hit that had taken place before my eyes perpetrated by a man whose face would not reappear with any clarity in my mind until years later during a hypnotic therapy session.

Project Hell - Into the Wall

The water will be off for the third time today. During round two, I stripped the valve using the special tool designed specifically for such projects.

I even called a plumber that day. He came out and tried the exact same tool. And concluded that the only recourse was to open up the wall to get the valve out.

In a little while round three of the battle will begin. I don't think I could stand another failure.

Project Update: Round three goes to the pipes. I am surrendering and will get someone in for a quote on the work this week.

Placebo

In the Trib this morning, there is an article about the FDA declaring that marijuana has no medicinal value. Maybe that's true, maybe it's not. Since this is a controlled substance we're talking about, getting a good basis of scientific data one way or the other is difficult. It's probably just politics as usual, anyway. But I digress. Everyone knows about the placebo effect. You take a pill, having been given the notion that it will help you, and it does, even though it is devoid of any medicine. If cancer, HIV+, and other patients believe that a hit of THC will aid them in getting well or at least not declining further, isn't that also a type of placebo effect? Aren't we encouraged to believe things all the time with no definitive basis in fact? We went to war using such a mind-trick, right? We had no imminent threat from Iraq, but the government repeated so often that they might attack us, that they could be harboring terrorists, and so on, that people started to believe it. A placebo isn't just a sugar pill. It is a concept given power by our mind; individually, it is very weak, but collectively, it can change a nation's viewpoint.

Google - Miro

There have been some great Google logos, but this one has to be amongst my favorites.

Weather snafu

More proof of global warming.

Project Hell Part II

The Project: Fix leak in bathtub; most likely a worn out washer in the hot water valve.

The Unexpected Setback: Getting the *!#$ing hot water handle off of the valve stem. The thing was frozen on there; after a half hour of spraying it with silicone lubricant and WD-40, tapping it, and swearing, it finally came off.

The Critical Failure: I did not have the right tools to reach far enough into the wall to remove the valve.

Outcome: I think I have the proper tools now, but will have to reschedule turning the water off for my section of the condo building (8 units).

Project Hell Part I

The Project: Replace the power window motor in the driver's door.
The Unexpected Setback: Couldn't find the fuses for a while. They were behind the little storage tray door built into the dash where I keep spare change.
The Critical Failure: Didn't realize that the window mechanism had a high tension spring. I haven't done this before and am loathe to lose fingers over something so trivial.
Outcome: Bringing car to mechanic today.

WUMF

What if I had absolutely nothing to say and meant to click something else but I clicked here and now I have to write something or civilization will collapse but hey no pressure it's just words and I think what would be really perfect is international What's Up Mohammed Fest (WUMF) during which images of Mohammed are displayed everywhere; everyone gets a t-shirt, some posters, stencils for temporary graffiti; they put his image up on buses, in Times Square, they even make one of those stupid "The More You Know" public service spots with a quick lesson about how it is necessary to confront hypocrites who would call you sinner.
What we really need, though, is a Saturday morning cartoon with all of the major religious figures, sort of like the SuperFriends, in which they all deal with bad guys and awful situations in accordance with each religion's beliefs. But someone would probably protest that, too, saying that the Buddha is encouraging our kids to be obese. And you'd get all the "Jesus was black" crowd in a ruckus, too. And the Scientologists would complain they they weren't represented, but you could get around that by saying that their guy is always off in space combatting the evil on other planets.
Okay, enough with religion; the more I think about it the more nauseated I get.