Animals that are now extinct

• The mischievous wildflower dragon.
• The pink bears of Florida.
• The dodo bird's evolutionary cousin, the coco bird, hunted to extinction for its' chocolately goodness.
• The Escher salamander.
• The common gym rat, which had no natural resistance to steroids.
• The receding hairline eagle.

baby squirrels - wikipedia draft entry

Two little baby squirrels emerged from their tails today.
They immediately started plotting.
What dogs to terrorize.
Which children's legs to run up.
How to overthrow the Mexican government.
Baby squirrels love long walks thru the trees, pink elephants, and flan.
They also like advanced calculus.
The natural habitat of the baby squirrel is in the blind spot of your eye.
You can only see them by looking sideways while practicing controlled breathing.
Did I mention that baby squirrel tails are quite long? They are. Kitten ears are a good comparison.
Baby squirrels will sneak into your house at night and steal your hair in order to build nests. They prefer brunettes.
The diet of a baby squirrel consists of cheese (all kinds, especially swiss), potato pancakes, and have I mentioned that they like flan?
They are quite adept at the use of Swiss army knives and can construct MacGyveresque bombs and other such devices at will.
Do not fear the baby squirrel. Instead, accept that they will do you no harm so long as you give in completely to their demands.
Lastly, be aware that the baby squirrel will use their little paws to utterly destroy the heathen, false idol lawn gnome.

holy crap!

One of my big toenails fell off yesterday.

where's my punchline?

"How are your trees, Grandpa?"
"I've been getting a lot of fruit this year."
One of the coolest things about my Grandpa's place in Florida is all the variety of fruit trees in the immediate vicinity. Happy belated 78th birthday, Grandpa!

My friend John describes a recent evening:
"So we walked to the lake shore, to the breakers off of the beach, and the moon was huge and red and we were sitting there and it was the perfect romantic night. Until we saw a big rat coming down the breaker toward us. What the hell is a rat doing there anyway? So yeah, the moment was kinda ruined."

"My daughter calls me. 'Dad, I need some poster board.' How long have you needed this? 'Well, I thought I had a piece, and I thought my sister had a piece, but she didn't, and the only poster board we have is messed up...' Yeah, but how long have you known that you need it? 'A week.' And when do you need it for? 'Tomorrow.' Of course. So now I'm sitting in the Wal-mart parking lot, with zero cash, and I can't remember the PIN number of my debit card."
From a conversation with my uncle Lee. Who also related the demise of my old car, a '94 Geo Prizm, which clocked in at 188,000 miles before imploding.

Meanwhile, the jinx is in, and B and I are on indefinite hiatus. Who didn't see that coming?

and perhaps a few more...

Things I could live without in the wake of an alien abduction:

- Back issues of Wired
- M.C. Escher sticker book
- Iron
- Sense of despair and childlike hope after the first big snowfall of the season
- The latest episode/re-run of Lost
- Sugary cereals
- Concert t-shirts
- 403(b) pension
- Scented candles
- Collection of maps to the residences of all of my friends
- Passive aggressiveness
- Commuting
- Incessant habit of list-making

Just add hot water

Do I associate tea with sickness? All summer long, I was in no mood for drinking tea. Now I have the sniffles and all I could think of today was how nice it would be to get home and make a nice cup of tea. Or two, so far. I think I'll run the spectrum tonite; I had the green and white blend first, followed by the chai spice black. Maybe I should throw in some lemon while I'm at it.
Still, I don't want to develop a negative association. It's been wet and chilly the past few days, though, so I could just as well be linking it to the weather. Kind of like I associate mashed potatos with winter far more than any other season.

Row Row Row

Things I saw in or near the water during Sunday morning's canoe trip:
-Dead fish
-Branches
-Condoms
-Basketball
-Cranes/herons
-Ducks
-Turtles

We went north up the Chicago River, near Addison, as far as Bryn Mawr before heading back. Except for a break to have a snack, we spent about 3 hours on the water. I ended up in the middle with Jeff steering and Richard up front; leaning back against a wooden railing while sitting on a seat cushion did not make my back too happy. Oddly, my arms are not as sore as I expected them to be. The weather was great; just enough breeze and sunny but not too hot.

Poor man's kaleidoscope

Last night I gave my bathroom a fresh coat of paint. This morning I was putting it back together, and happened to look through the long, square towel bar (one of those cheap metal ones that everybody has had in their bathroom at one time or another). I was able to capture a sample of the effect in this photo.
Yes, I am easily amused.