The Party's Crashing Us Now

More Of Montreal:

You’re such a mystery I just want to stand and stare
Nibble on your ear and smell the ocean in your hair
You know you damage me you leave me tangled in a knot
But when you reappear I see Neptunian blues that eyes forgot
Neptunian blues that eyes forgot

I only feel alive when the vu’s flashing alarms going off in my head
I want to grab you and just kiss you maybe I should sit down
No sense in cashing us now
Still I only feel alright when the vu’s flashing bombs going off in my head
I want to grab you want to scream at you no icing me down
The party’s crashing us now
The party’s crashing us now

... You freed me from the past...

Krupnikas

Krupnikas. Moonshine of the gods. Having a double shot before bed in a mostly vain attempt to calm myself.
Going on a field trip to Great America tomorrow. Hopefully we don't get rained on too badly.
I try to always do the right thing, but sometimes it just doesn't work.

Saving me from myself

George Lucas should do silent movies. The opening ten minutes of Sith, with the physical comedy of R2D2 setting up a tone unmatched throughout the rest of this sci-fi dramedy, reminds me of a weird mix of Charlie Chaplin and Jackie Chan.
Too much has been written about Ep. III already, so that's all I'll comment on.
My Dad joked that when they took me to see the first one, I was 4 years old; by the time we got through the line and actually saw it I was 6.
Anyway, T & S were psychic enough to rescue me from an emotional tailspin last nite with their spur of the moment suggestion to go see the movie. If nothing else, it was a good diversion.

Weather With You

What is it that keeps us trapped in bad habits and routines? Is it simply the fear of moving outside our comfort zone? Sometimes I wish that some sort of cosmic machinery was in place to force change on me every day. Because I'm not strong enough to do it myself. I need people I trust to ask me to change, so that I know I won't feel too much like a fool when I fail.
Thinking about B, about how perhaps it is easier to be with someone who makes no demands of you. As if that were the perfect state of things in a relationship. I'm wondering if I was asking her to change too much. I didn't think that I was.
This post has no point, I guess. Just trying to work out some notions in my head. It is early yet, and it seems like it will be a nice, if cloudy, day.
I was supposed to go to the lakefront for the autism walk this morning, with B, on account of her cousin. It's a nice day for such an event. Warm enough, yet breezy; good walking weather.
I'm worried about a lot of people right now, but don't know how to tell them, don't know how to help.

Bring out the Gimp

Back from the John and Becky Fuller housewarming. Mostly the J & K crowd there, etcetera. Interesting old house; nice place. The highlight is an odd little basement room unto itself. About 4 x 10 feet, with a 6 foot ceiling; stone walls, and a flimsy door with the name "Nicole" written on it. Former child resident's playroom, or time-out space? Possible future wine cellar or Gimp haven? Oh, the possibilities. The important thing is that people are looking out for my sanity, and that's nice.

Soul Improvement

So my emotional rescue is to come in the form of household projects.
Last night, went over by T & S to help with their kitchen. This involved spackling. They have a 300 pound bucket of spackle. It looks edible. Yummy Spackle! Try not to eat too much; it's not like play-doh, you know; you could actually give yourself a tummy-ache. And after that, we went out to Brown Cow for ice cream.
This morning, off to the J & K household to help with the pouring of their concrete countertops. That is a dusty, splattery job. It was interesting to see how it is done, though. Especially the part where you use an electric sander enclosed in plastic bags and run it across the surface of the concrete to work out the air pockets and smooth it out.
I'm keeping busy, and that is a good thing. Maybe I'll tackle a project here tomorrow.

Panic

I've been listening to Of Montreal's Satanic Panic in the Attic incessantly the past week or so.
It suits my mood, yet at the same time it makes me want to chew on glass. Odd.
(Added later, lyric excerpts from ...Erik Eckles and Your Magic is Working and Eros' Entropic Tundra)

And if you want me to
I'll help it's all the same to me
just tell me if you want me to

I'm not upset just confused and it's so tough
I can't relate to this world I'm not bored enough
Watch out the music will complete the change in you

How you've really changed me
from a guy thought too cynical for love
Suddenly I feel as light as a butterfly
and wanting to give love another try
Everything is beautiful and you are the reason

Without love life has no great reward
leaving us damaged or feeling so bored
Devoid of memories nothing to record
Wishing the ones that we adore loved us more

Chance taken

I took a chance. I left a stagnant relationship to jump into another one that I thought would go the distance.
And for a while, I thought that I did the right thing.
Everyone commented on how much happier I was.
And now that it has all come crashing down, I'm left wondering what mistakes I made. I'm wondering if I'll recover. Actually, no, I don't know if I want to recover. I just want to be knocked cold and buried alive.